The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
