I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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