I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Is it because I queefed?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
