I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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