She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize