I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
