oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
