apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
