hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
