Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
