Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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