I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
