So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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