Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I will pee on everything he values.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
