are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
