Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
