the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
