u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
