I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
