Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
