Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
