Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
