I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
