At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
