ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize