why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Randomize