I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
