no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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