I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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