I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize