She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
