its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
