Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize