4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
