In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
