My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
