I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
