I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
