You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
