they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
