Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
