You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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