is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
So much rum. So many feels.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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