gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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