i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize