Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
