So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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