The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
