mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
