i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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