Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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