just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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