i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
