im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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