Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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