I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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