The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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