I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
