I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize