she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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