Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
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