Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize